Broadway, you have my heart...

All of us are feeling a bit off right now. Life as we knew it a week ago, has come to a grinding halt. People are out of work, stores are closed, flights are cancelled, restaurants, gyms and theaters are empty. Futures are uncertain.

I can’t even imagine being in NYC right now. My favorite city in the world. The pictures are heartbreaking and ominous. This place that has such a huge piece of my heart and soul is suffering yet again. September 11, 2001 was a time that I look back on with anxiety and fear. That day, we were attacked by terrorists, human beings that breathe the same air as we do, that flew in the same airplanes that we do.

The world is now being attacked by a virus. This virus can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t speak. It has caused historic losses and shutdowns without saying a word. I struggle to comprehend what is even happening in the world right now, how this will affect all of us and our future. Something that I learned from 9/11 is that we can and we WILL be Ok. We will return to some form of normalcy, something familiar to what we know as everyday life will return. But when?

Last night I had the opportunity to tune into a special stream that Rosie O’Donnell was hosting as a fundraiser for the Actors Fund. She had so many people who wanted to participate that it ran for 3.5 hours! This closure of Broadway is huge. It is going to be felt for a long time. And although I am not directly affected, I feel strangely tied to it, doing all I can to help those who have been affected by it.

I have many friends in the live theatre business. Actors, producers, marketing people, venue operators, etc. Perhaps this is why this broadcast meant so much to me. But more than that, I have a connection to live theatre that I cannot explain. Some may call me a theatre geek, nerd, super fan or weirdo. My love for the theatre goes back as far as I can remember. I have always been the family “showman”, always wanting to put on a show for any visitors that might come by the house, in fact my sisters and I had a small “band” and we would perform for people (mostly just our parents) but you get the idea. My sister Paula and I memorized the words to a church related musical when we were young and we acted put and danced as if we were the original stars. To put it mildly I have always wanted to be on a broadway stage. Always.

My love for music led me to play the violin and to sing in school choirs and groups. My lack of self confidence as I grew older, held me back from ever auditioning or going further with my dream of being in a show. Whatever the reason, I never did. I will be 50 years old in September. FIFTY YEARS OLD. Even now, as I sit here in my living room and type this, my inner fat kid is telling me that I will never be good enough and that my time has past, I am too old and not talented enough. People talk about a bucket list, a list of things to do before they die. My list is pretty short and as of the past 5 years been reduced to only a couple of things. Although it has always been there, this theatre thing has definitely moved to the top of that list.

For most of us, we can identify when and where we have had the experiences that have changed us, rocked us to the core. Some would call these “spiritual” experiences, others might not know exactly what it is but are completely aware that they are special, noteworthy and very, very rare. The births of my three children were all what I would call life changing events. Becoming a dad and realizing that life is about way more than just you, is an experience I hold very dear to my heart. My coming out as a gay man and freeing myself and my children from an abusive marriage was another. Meeting and marrying the man of my dreams would also definitely fall into this category. But I have another “sub Category” of these life changing events, and for me these events have all happened at the theatre.

As I watched the special on TV last night I was overcome with how incredibly important theatre has been in my life. I love the unity between its characters, the love between its dancers and the affair it has with its audiences.

My mind was flooded with the moments that changed me as I sat in those theaters:

My first broadway show ever, 42nd Street. I was mezmerized

Sitting with no words, overcome with all the feels at Les Miserables

The first time I saw RENT, knowing I was gay and never believing that I could ever live that way

Witnessing Cynthia Erivo singing “I’m Here” in The Color Purple

Becoming part of the “Human Heart” and why we tell the story at Once on this Island

The life altering experience of The Inheritance, realizing what gay men before me had experienced and gone through

Exposing my kids to the theatre in NYC with shows like, Mary Poppins, In the Heights and Newsies.

Understanding and digesting the inner meanings and lessons taught in Hadestown with its haunting and magical score

Watching Ben Platt portray a character in Dear Evan Hansen that is inside of all of us and do it with the conviction I have rarely seen on stage

Realizing the parallels of Angels in America to that of my own life

Being absoloutley swept away by the 40 piece orchestra at Sunset Boulevard and watching Glenn Close play the iconic role of Norma Desmond

The first time I heard “For Good” and “Defying Gravity” in Wicked

After years of waiting, Hamilton surpassed my wildest expectations, and “It’s Quiet Uptown” still remains one of my favorite show tunes to this day

Realizing I really love drag queens and watching the legend Billy Porter at Kinky Boots

Witnessing a teenage Lea Salonga playing her broadway debut in Miss Saigon, a show that still remains one of my all time favorites

After waiting in front of the box office at the New Amsterdam theatre all day, getting a seat to The Lion King and crying as they sang, “He lives in you”

The words of Heather Headley ringing in my ears from Aida, “You are your own master, there are no shackles on you”

Feeling sexy as hell at Moulin Rouge

Sneaking to see Book of Mormon when I was still a Mormon. Laughing hysterically during “Turn it Off” and crying during “I Believe”

Seeing a show deal with literally every problem facing American families in a way that only live theatre can do in Jagged Little Pill

Just three short weeks ago, March 6, 2020 at the Gammage auditorium here in Phoenix Arizona I experienced the closest thing to being in a show I have ever had. The touring production of Once on This Island was in town for the week. (Little did any of us know that this would be their second to last stop before the Corona Virus forced the tour to cancel and end abruptly on Sunday March 15 in Las Vegas.) This show has been special to me since college, when I dated a girl who was in it and started to teach me the songs from it. “The Human Heart” became one of my favorites and the story just engulfed me. I saw different versions of the show throughout the years at high school, college and touring levels. The show never made it back to broadway until 2017 at the circle in the square theatre. We got tickets and sat in the front row, our feet in the sand. It was as magical and moving as I could have imagined. We ended up going back on our next trip to NYC and loved it just as much. I was so excited to see that it would tour and that it was coming to Arizona. The tour decided to sell seats ON STAGE to replicate the experience that the show had created in NYC. I made sure to get these seats and we arrived the night in plenty of time to be the first ones escorted onto the stage. I know this is going to sound stupid and weird to a lot of you, but the feeling I had walking onto that stage and sitting in the seats that were literally right next to the actors, was indescribable. The elation I felt as the show started and I could hear the actors singing right next to me was incredible. Tears filled my eyes several times that night. Of course the story tugged at my heartstrings as it always did, but the majority of the tears that night came from sheer joy and the fact that I was on stage of a broadway show. I literally had to keep myself sitting a couple of times as I almost stood and started singing and dancing with them.

This list could literally go on for another 10 pages, and perhaps one day I will do that. Bottom line is that Broadway has changed me. It has molded me, my life, my surroundings. I am so proud to know the people I do in the industry. So proud to call them friends.

Who knows?

Someday I may get to call one or more of them a fellow cast mate.

Until that day….THANK YOU BROADWAY, you truly have my heart.

Some of our friends from Moulin Rouge/NYC 2020