From Religion to Oneness

A note from Brandon…

This post comes to us from a man named Casey. I met Casey at the gym, as I do many people. I spend a lot of time in the gym and I have met some of my best friends there. I am a true believer in following your instincts and speaking to those you feel drawn to. Casey was one of those people. In our short conversations at the gym I have learned so much from this guy. He too has a story that could sell many books. He was open enough to share some things with me that assured me he would be a perfect person to write something for my blog. I asked him and what you are about to read is what I got back from him. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you Casey, you are gifted with words and wisdom, and I am lucky to have met you and call you friend. If you would like to reach out directly to Casey, his email is cdkirgis@hotmail.com

From Religion to Oneness: My name is Casey. I was born in Anchorage Alaska and I can relate to Brandon’s story because I was also born into a cult of another name and label, called Jehovahs Witnesses. I was always seen as a black sheep of my family and congregation, due to my questioning nature, which made it difficult to accept many of the beliefs that seemed contradictory from my perspective, even as a young child. I would often ask deep questions about God, the holy spirit, and some of the strict rules and guidelines that we were supposed to follow in order to make it into what they call the “New System” or “Paradise”. Which almost always triggered the elders of the congregation to get worked up into a state, of what I know see as cognitive dissonance. Becoming shaky, and angry with me, as they frantically held onto their fear based beliefs, while reciting their most prized bible verses, like broken records, that usually didn’t even relate to my questions. Hoping it would spark the same doubt and confusion in me, that it did in them. But most the time it, didn’t… Which led them to the conclusion that I must be mentally Ill, or possessed by a demon. I lived with these accusations buried deep in my subconscious, not knowing how scary and real they could feel, until I had to fully face them once I stepped out of the religion at age 24. Ever since childhood I was takin to various psychiatrists and mental health clinics to be diagnosed with just about every name and label possible, Adhd, Bipolar, schizophrenia, Ocd, and eventually Autism, Which according to the DSM-5, is the only label that describes me with any accuracy. My mother was convinced by the elders and psychiatrists that I needed to be medicated. So from the beginning of school, till the age of 24 I was on and off all sorts of medications from Adderall, to heavy mood stabilizing drugs like Lithium, Risperidone, Seroquel and just about everything in between. It led me to internalize the idea that something was wrong with me. I was always a loner and had intense areas of interest and hobbies that helped me cope mentally with being a completely misunderstood outsider. Almost everything I fell in love with, I was told was bad, and that I was becoming too absorbed with it and needed to give that energy to the JW Organization, Putting it above all else. They counsel and discourage members against going to school, and even associating with anyone who is not part of the society, labeling them as “Worldly”. Which leads to a slow subconscious accumulation of judgement toward anyone who is not part of the JW Organization. Similar to Mormonism, JW’s look down upon homosexuality and sex outside of Marriage, they also guilt trip adolescents to full grown adults for things like masturbation. Which makes most get married at a very young age in order to not feel guilty about their natural sexual desires and instincts. I was madly in love with a girl named Juanita ever since I was 12 years old, and Despite all the things I questioned with the religion, I made the choice to get baptized around age 16, thinking that although I didn’t fully agree with all the beliefs and restrictions, I could still live a decent life and marry the girl of my dreams. I married her when we were both 18. I had a good income and we had all we ever needed and more. At age 24 we had our amazing daughter. This made my wife start to get much more strict religiously. She even felt guilty for what we would do sexually as married people, and went as far as talking to elders behind my back about everything we did in the bedroom. Then one day they came to our home to counsel us on what is and is not acceptable to God. This seemed very strange to me. And triggered me for the first time, to do lots of in depth biblical research and meditation. Which ultimately started what I would consider to be my “spiritual awakening”. For the first time I became obsessed with the bible and studying other religions. I learned that the Jehovahs Witnesses had their own version of the bible. So I got a King James bible and started reading and comparing them both side by side. I researched all the things I always questioned within the religion that didn’t seem to make sense. I discovered that the founder of the religion, Charles T Russell taught completely different things than what was currently being taught. And to make a long story short, I completely proved to myself in various ways that the whole religion was a complete lie. Which triggered so much inside of me that needed to be healed. But I didn’t know anything about healing at that time. And so I was going in and out of thinking I was insane and even possessed at times. I tried to tell my wife and my whole family that none of it was true. That it was all a lie. I thought they would see how affected I was by it and at least do some research themselves. But I seen I was wrong. My eyes were opening, and I had no idea that was only the beginning of awakening. It was like all of sudden I could see crystal clearly what everyone was doing energetically. I could see and feel them being controlled by fear. And for the first time I started to hear my inner voice in a way that I could not deny it, while also having visions and spiritual experiences that I didn’t fully trust yet. I started to feel the depths of all the deep rooted fears that were intertwined throughout my being, contradicting the light and intuitive insight that I was now finally beginning to listen to and value, but was also afraid of. It would get so overwhelming that I started having seizure’s, loosing consciousness, and having out of body experiences. I realized and accepted that if everything I knew before was a lie, that I truly don’t know anything at all. And that was a humble yet scary realization that went very deep. It was also a major turning point in my life. It was scary and beautiful at the same time, and in the moment that realization took place, all of life started speaking to me. Everything was telling me something, and it never stopped… It was very scary to me at times, because I was still congested with some deep seeded contradicting fears and doubts, instilled from the religion, that made me go back and forth on whether it was actually spiritual experiences, or if I was schizophrenic. But what eventually led me into having faith that it was spiritual guidance, was that it always proved to be true information, whether I liked it or not. It wasn’t just religion I was waking up from, it was the whole entire system. The Governments, fake news, advertisements, etc. I realized I was being drugged my whole life to cover up my feelings and intuition, which I was starting to see as the true way that God or Spirit communicates with us. I knew I had to stop taking all the drugs and start trusting more in my inner voice and intuition as it kept proving itself true to me. But when I stopped, it was like a floodgate to spirit was opened, and all the emotions and inner truths that I resisted my whole life, in order to seem sane to the conformed minds of a brainwashed organization was now coming through me all at once. Which also made me aware of how much fear was deeply instilled in me growing up as a JW, and how scary and real the depths of those fears could feel. It also helped me to understand and love my family, even though they didn’t seem ready to face theirs head on, as I was now beginning to do. For the first time I started to see myself as a strong person, because I knew I was choosing to face something that most would keep running from, and I can understand why some would choose to keep running. Because it was the most challenging and scary thing I’ve ever done. The JW Organization does something called disfellowshipping to baptized members that don’t believe anymore, or choose to not follow the rules. This means that anyone who is a JW can no longer communicate with you, including your own family. They asked me to write a letter explaining how I felt about the organization. I knew that I could lie in it and stay in connection with my family, or I could tell the truth and be disfellowshipped. I told the truth and I was disfellowshipped for it. My family stopped communicating with me, which showed me again, how much fear has been instilled in them, and how controlling fear can be. I lost my family. I got a divorce shortly after my wife had our daughter, and that was just the beginning of my “awakening” and healing journey. It was like my shell cracked and I had layers and layers of fear, guilt, anger and other negative emotions I had to experience, work through and understand in order to heal and move forward in my life. I was alone, and the world felt new to me. I made a lot of mistakes due to not knowing how the real world was. I went from one extreme to the next. It seems that the dark aspects of myself, due to my lack of real world experience, lured me into many unpleasant experiences that I needed in order to heal and see the world more clearly. I ended up living in Mexico for a while around Drug traffickers, Murderers and Prostitutes. I eventually seen these people as my family. Many of these people were murdered and executed. I seen things that I could never forget, that are forever etched into my memories. I married a girl from there that I loved and wanted to help get away to create a good life with. After getting her a visa we moved back to AZ so that I could stay connected with my daughter. My intuition was constantly telling me I shouldn’t trust her and I would catch her lying over and over again. But I did not want to believe the truth because it hurt, and I didn’t want to be alone again. But eventually I had to, as I learned that she grew up as a prostitute, and was prostituting herself still, despite us being married. Which led to divorce number two. And me realizing that I don’t trust any humans. It seemed that the whole entire world was a lie out to get me, and that any part of it that I touched or held onto would burn me. Throughout these experiences that I’m barely touching on, in order to make a long story short, and other experiences that I’m not including in this writing. I was learning that I needed all of it, in order to trigger and heal myself. Everything that seemed negative and painful in my life, was exactly what I needed as a catalyst for healing the deep issues and fears that couldn’t have surfaced, if I only got the experiences I wanted and made me comfortable. Each time that deep dark emotions and fears were triggered by these life events, It would pull my deepest issues to the surface, leaving me with the choice of completely losing myself in anger, or meditating to face and let go of the negativity, which usually happened through intense crying sessions during meditation, as I recentered into my heart. I eventually learned that the heart can understand what the mind cannot, and how to see, live and understand from it. But it took years of trial and error, and learning from my mistakes. And many times I acted out in Anger, and would also get stuck in deep altered states that I could not function in, which at times landed me in Mental Institutions and even Jail. I eventually felt that I didn’t want any part of this world and dedicated many years of my life to isolation, fasting, celibacy, inwardness, silence, and Meditation. During this phase, I spent a lot of time deep in the forest of Northern Arizona. I felt very suicidal at times, and used that energy to push me into deeper states that I normally would have feared, until something unexplainable happened. I Died… There is no words to describe this, because it is completely paradoxical to the linear mind and physicality. But “I” completely disappeared. Dissolved. Became translucent. All I ever thought I was, was completely gone. Beliefs, disbeliefs, There was nothing left of me. Casey was gone. Like a bubble, that was popped. Any name or label for myself or anything else was gone. Words did not make sense anymore, and proved to only be desperate attempts to express the inexpressible. I understood what others before me were attempting to say with words such as God, Rebirth, enlightenment, awakening, etc. But everything was one unexplainable phenomenon that could never truly be named or labeled. And that “one phenomenon seemed to have swallowed me up. I as an Individual died, and merged into the Omnipresence. Instead of seeing from an individualistic perspective, I seen from and became the whole of existence. Not higher or lower than anything or anyone else, but completely one and the same. I was no longer the awareness of an individual, but the awareness of everything and everyone as a whole. The Individual was gone. I was nothing, Yet I was everything and everything was me. Just as you can become lucid in a dream, I became lucid in this dream, seeing clearly that I was the dream and the dreamer. You could call it a Dream, Oneness, or Consciousness. But again no words can describe it. It was, and still is the most life changing transitional event of my entire human experience. It made every experience in my life come together. I seen that every experience was leading me into this without me knowing. It connected all the dots and bridged the physical to the spiritual, and the inner to the outer. It made everything poetic and beautiful. The inner voice and spiritual experiences that I once doubted and feared became the love of my life, the only thing that I could trust and rely on. The only thing that I ever was and ever could be. I merged with all of existence. Because something in me was so tired of lies, and the pain that they cause, that I only desired what was true, over the whole entire world. Which seemed to energetically align and magnetize me into a completely different dimension and experience, showing me how powerful our thoughts and desires are, and how they can unknowingly hold us down, by magnetically attracting us into experiences that cause pain. And how these painful experiences are there for the purpose of are growth. Creating our different phases of life. Like stairs on the stairway to heaven. Each phase, full of different lessons and mixtures of lies and truths, light and darkness, until we see, learn and evolve through them, ultimately choosing light, naturally, due to experiencing the chaos that fear and darkness manifest. Each phase is painful to see through and let go of. Each transition is like peeling off and letting go of another layer of our body or psyche. Life is like a school of all grades mixed. Some are in the beginning stages and some are in advanced lessons. This mixture of diversity is perfect and helps to trigger one another in the various ways that we need for our evolutionary development. As light flows into our cells, it forces out all the darkness and fear that has been blocking and contradicting it. It creates a feeling of systematic contradiction within our being until it is healed and released. These contradictive energies can manifest and be experienced as negative emotions like anger and fear, and can lead us into feeling suicidal. For most of us, this is happening at a slower steady pace, but for some, like myself, it happened very quickly and I later learned that it is referred to as a “sudden awakening”. The unpleasant feelings that we go through during this transformation can be referred to as karma. And life will provide us the experiences necessary to facilitate and trigger what needs healed within us according to what we are ready for, even if we sometimes think we are not ready for it. The thoughts, Beliefs and Desires in our mind or ego, magnetically attract, manifest and create our sense of reality. Most of which anchor us into the world of physicality, creating a type of veil that limits our experience and understanding. A veil that limits are perspective to the selfish delusional sense of self, with many names and labels, that most of us identify with and believe ourselves to be. We fear death because we misidentify ourselves with this delusional sense of self, which is temporary and made up within the confines of our minds. But what is true, what is unspeakable, has no beginning or end and is eternal beyond any sense of time, or mortality. What they call “rebirth” is the transition out of this illusional self, into what we really are. There is no such thing as death. It is merely an illusion that is created by this false sense of self. A fear producing byproduct, manifested by an illusion, appearing as reality from the support of a dualistic belief system, Intertwined through the thoughts and cells of someone believing themselves into a state of separation. Death is merely just part of this belief system, and is the fear it uses to stay in control of us. And in order for us to move through this illusion, we have to fully experience it. The only thing that can die, is that which is not true, the illusion of separation. It is difficult for most to see through, or rise above these things without an event that traumatizes or shakes things up. But all is in perfect timing, and in the very moment that someone inwardly desires truth over anything in the whole entire world, it will be experienced. What they call “enlightenment”,“Oneness”, etc, will be revealed naturally in the very moment that it is truly desired over anything else this world has to offer. It is normal that before this takes place, that one may feel extremely suicidal and withdrawn from the world. But if not acted upon, these feelings and energies can be used and directed towards alignment with the highest truth through meditation. Completely dissolving the false self perspective that creates the negative feelings. The more we identify ourselves with these negative emotions, the more it will literally feel that we are dying with them. Which is referred to as “ego death” and ultimately leads to “rebirth”. It’s a natural process that we are all in different phases of. The closer we get to this, the more “bipolar” we can feel. Experiencing high states of awareness and love, and then falling back into the depths of our egos, because there is still more healing work needed before we can fully let go. I learned after this major shift of perception took place, that it was very difficult for me to communicate and function in this world, due to being extremely open, high, and sensitive to everything around me. This world can be very desensitizing. And to heal ourselves is to sensitize ourselves, and it can be very painful and scary to be a sensitive in a desensitized world. But I realized that I was always connected to this, although I didn’t fully see and perceive it with such clarity. It seemed very linked and intertwined with what they label as Autism. I realized that my whole life’s purpose was for me surrender and rely on this experience that could be referred to as oneness, God, Source, love, etc, and assist others who are ready to let go of the world, and who they think they are, into the truth off all existence, which is unbelievable unthinkable and unspeakable. I travelled to India to learn from others who are also experiencing this state of oneness, enlightenment, or anything else anyone wants to call it. I also connected and learned from shaman’s and other types of spiritual healers at various times throughout my transformation. But I ultimately learned that the plants can teach us more than any man, in ways that are beyond words and ego. Plant Medicines are great resources for those of us who come from religious backgrounds, due to their ability to break down mental constructs, rigid thought forms and belief systems that can cause much suffering in our lives. Which is why I fell in love with plants medicines, sound healing, fasting and various other healing modalities that proved to be very beneficial at breaking through spiritual plateaus, that we could otherwise get stuck in for long periods of time. These plants can communicate with us in various ways and have the ability to show us what is holding us back, like a mirror into our subconscious. Sound healing can also open doors to altered states of perception and consciousness, and can help our cells to completely open, relax and let go of spiritual and physical stagnation that has been stored inside of them, holding us back and altering our vision in ways we cant fathom until we let go of it. To say the least. Working with these plants, along with the use of sound, and other modalities became my passion and love, and I have been doing so for many years now. I have had the opportunity and privilege of working on many different people from different backgrounds, religions and upbringings. I feel that I am healing myself and learning along side them in the deepest most beautiful ways simultaneously, due to being one with them. All of these lessons and experiences are now the reasons in which I am grateful that I was born into a cult. I am grateful for every painful experience that brought all that needed healed to the surface and ultimately led to self realization. Even though it felt like hell going through it all. Because without these tests and obstacles that eventually led me to question life and all of existence. I don’t think I would have found myself, and lost who I wasn’t. Life is similar to a video game in many ways. Just think how boring a game would be, if all you did was run across the screen in a straight line with no obstacles or challenges. No one would want to play it. The obstacles and challenges in life teach us the lessons that we need to spiritually instill. If they seem too tough and we get trapped between the obstacles, we may naturally want to jump into a hole, to restart or end it all. But they make us who we are, and in order for us to love ourselves, we have to love the lessons that shaped and molded us into what are. The first step in loving yourself, is to know yourself. The most beautiful things in life are discovered and achieved through pain and struggle. And none of us would be here right now if our mothers didn’t struggle through the pain of birth to deliver us into this world. There is no such thing as a victim. Blessed are those who have struggled. Blessed are those who have suffered. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. The way to Heaven is through hell. And the way to truly know your self, the Source, The Universe, God, Light, Love… Or whatever anyone wants to call “It”, is through yourself. Through your senses. Through surrendering yourself, and letting go of everything that you think you know, including all the names and labels that are associated with who you think you are. Not by another man. Not from religion. Not from any book, or from any belief that lives in our heads. But by humbly admitting that you don’t know. Which is the most ultimate type of surrender. So that you can be shown what is unspeakable and unbelievable, living life and making choices from this mysterious experience that you are. If religion has made you hateful or bitter towards yourself or God. It has defeated you, in the same, yet different way than it is defeating those still mentally trapped in it. If it has left you hateful and bitter, you too are still trapped in it as well. You might as well have stayed put. I write these things because I see that many who have taken the leap from religious organizations, cults and other traumatic situations or experiences, can get stuck in the middle of these transitions and phases without knowing it. And if someone is content with their life and healing at a more moderate rate, that is just fine. But if someone is suffering past what they feel is tolerable and feeling suicidal, I hope that this can encourage them to keep moving forward, letting go of the old self with faith in life’s evolutionary process, and that all we are going through is for a reason. It is leading us to the most beautiful, poetic, indescribable state of self realization. Because from here, we can truly heal, accept, love and forgive. And you cant have one without the other. Coming from religion, Is a blessings in Disguise, It can be the perfect obstacle, To open up our eyes, How can we fall in love with truth, Without experiencing the lies, How can we choose the darkness, Once we’ve seen the sunny Skies… Much love to anyone who read this nonsense ❤

Religion: They worshipped it, Because they thought it was the Light, They didn’t question it, They just Assumed that it was Right, Despite, Seeing it Tragically, Devour there whole entire Family, It ate them alive, And Split them Apart, Locked in the Mind, Separated from the Heart, Creating Depression and Mental Illness, Because they Couldn’t find the Stillness, While holding onto Lies, And running from the Realness, They’ve deadening all there Senses, So that they can never Feel This, Cognitive Defenses walls and Fences, That block out all the Real Bliss, Creating a Division, While praying for Provision, Yet using their Religion, To block their Inner Vision, Needing a book or Pastor, To make every Decision, Not knowing whats inside them, Because for so long its been Hidden, In their subconscious mind, Which locks them in their Prison, Of many mental Obstacles, And If you happen to see through them, They’ll think you need the Mental Hospitals, For a psychiatric Examination, And not worshipping there Bible, In there own unique Translation, And the punishment you pay for this, Is Dissociation, The blind lead the blind, And are afraid of Meditation, They even judge the plants as bad, The ones that heal the Nations, They know they couldn’t keep Your eyes closed, If you used these Combinations, To heighten all you Senses, And raise cellular Vibrations, Which can open up your channels, To the highest Information, Developing your own connection, To the One of all Creation, Cause if you learn to free yourself, You’ll be your own Salvation, Letting go of what you thought you knew, And all Indoctrination, And that is what they fear the most, Religious Organizations, That use fear and Control, To disconnect you from your Soul, They want for you to doubt yourself, So that you remain a Fool, Knocking on doors, Convincing others, Because you are now there Tool, Like a little piece of Property, Spreading lies that you’ve been Brainwashed with, And all of the Hypocrisy, Donating them your money, Like a real game of Monopoly, If you speak a word against them They convince you its Apostasy, And if you don’t fear God, And all they tell you Properly, You’ll end up with no paddles, Somewhere way out Lost at Sea, Because they want for you to Fear This, So you can never see with Clearness, But just remember love is Fearless, They don’t want for you to Hear This, Cause it can clear up all Congestion, They’ve closed off all there doors, They aren’t open to Suggestion, They’d have to stop believing, To experience the Lesson, But the only problem is, That there to afraid to Question, The false image in there Head, They fearfully hold onto, Till the day that they are Dead, Doubting in themselves, But believing whats been Read, Because there Living and Breathing, Yet Sleeping and Dreaming, While meeting and Agreeing, in Deceiving Beliefs with no Meaning, Misconceiving, not Perceiving, The things that they are Reading, Freeing is what there Needing, While there hearts continue Beating, Truths right inside there Being, But there just to busy Feeding, On the lies that there Believing, Blindfolded, there not Seeing, Captured by the Darkness, While their Hearts grow Cold and Freezing, But we’ve opened up our eyes, Cause it was time for us to Heal This, What we’ve learned from false Religion, There’s no one that can Steal This, This world can take our Bodies, But it can never Kill This, We must make peace and find forgiveness, in order to Instill This, And let the lessons be our Wealth, The lies are of the past now, Theres no need to move in Stealth, Your mind, you have to Free It, If something’s really true, You experience, Know and See It, There is no need for anyone, To blindly just Believe It, Through prayer and Meditation, You can openly Receive It, Feel It, Live it, Breath It, You’ll only understand this, Once you Merge with it and Be It, You have made your own Provision, Seeing with your Inner Vision, Now you don’t need a book or pastor, Cause from Religion you have Risen, And now you see it Differently, Using third Eye Awareness, The way that you are Meant To See, Changing your Perspective, So you can see it as a Victory, Being grateful for the lesson, Now that the past is History, Keep on moving forward, Letting go of pain and Misery, Enjoying every moment, Of life and all its Mystery, Cause love comes with Forgiveness, Its subtle and moves with Swiftness, Relaxing every cell, Decreasing stagnancy and Stiffness, We have to be its channel, In order for us to Give This, Were the ones that bear the Witness, To the Relentless and Religious, They will open like a flower, When its time for them to Get This,

I Knew that it was True, The moment I caught a Glimpse of You, The One who tore my mind Out, And left me all Alone, Making me One with Everything, So now I walk in the Unknown, With no way to Explain, The things that you have Shown Me, Falling in and out of Lonely, Cause your the only One who’s Known Me, I see you Everywhere I Look, Even when I close my Eyes, Sometimes afraid of my own Reflection, Knowing its part of your Disguise, Which is so simple and Simplistic, I don’t know how I Missed It, I guess the mind can Twist It, The Truth, I Wished It, Made love to it and Kissed It, The World, I Resist It, Walking upon it as a Misfit, Not knowing anything at All, But without you I am Small, And your Image I Recall, When I need to Disappear, You make me Translucent and Clear, Like theres Nobody Here, I faced a Sever type of Fear, Each time your Image would Appear, Even when I couldn’t see it, I could feel it Drawing Near, There was no way of Escaping, I guess I needed Reshaping, The curtain that was Draping, Was yours for the Taking, But I was Trembling and Shaking, As I Experienced my Death, I breathed you In with my Breath, Until there was nothing Left, Of Me, The Ultimate Epiphany, And all I heard was your Symphony, As tears of Remorse, Poured through with Force, From the Heart of the Source, While the Coarse, Hairs of the Horse, Glided across the Strings, Of Crying Violins And Cellos, I died within your Meadows, Undefiled was the Child, Temperament turned Mild, And Devoured was the Hour, As you pulled me into Power, Making me Higher than any Drug, To the World, you pulled the Plug, And now I cant come Down, The One who makes me Silent, In a world thats filled with Sound, Now I don’t know who I Am, Because you truly were the End to Me, You shattered my Identity, Cut my ego down like Lumber, As you woke me from my Slumber, One with you, I have no Number, So I surrender, I cant Fight This, You left me in a Crises, Dismantled my Disguise’s, I may not be the Wisest, But It didn’t seem the Nicest, I payed, But it was Priceless, Because I knew that it was Righteous, Now I’m Alive yet Lifeless, And I don’t even know who Writes This.