SONDER: Everyone Has a Story. Are We Willing to Listen?

A few years ago, I came across a word that I can't seem to get out of my head.

SONDER.

It's a word created by John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, and its meaning is something I wish everyone would take a moment to think about.

Sonder is the realization that every person you pass in life is living a story just as vivid, complicated, and meaningful as your own. Every stranger has a life filled with memories, relationships, struggles, celebrations, heartbreaks, and experiences that you know absolutely nothing about.

I love that.

And the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized how much we miss when we go through life without really seeing the people around us.

Think about the people we cross paths with every day.

The person standing behind us at the grocery store. The server bringing us dinner. The stranger sitting next to us on an airplane. The person who smiles as they pass us on the sidewalk.

We see these people, but do we really see them?

We're busy. We're distracted. We're caught up in our own lives. And somewhere along the way, we forget that every person we encounter has a story worth knowing.

How many incredible people have we walked right past simply because we didn't take the time to say hello?

How many friendships never happened? How many opportunities to learn something, share something, or make someone's day a little better have we missed?

I think we underestimate the power of simple human connection.

A genuine smile. A compliment. Asking someone how they're doing and actually listening to the answer. Taking an interest in someone who might otherwise feel invisible.

These seem like such small things.

But to the person on the receiving end, they might mean everything.

You have no idea what someone was going through before they crossed your path. Maybe they're having the worst day of their life. Maybe they're lonely. Maybe they're carrying something nobody else knows about.

And then you come along.

You acknowledge them. You treat them with kindness. You make them laugh. You take a few minutes to make them feel seen.

And just like that, you've become a small part of their story.

You may never know what that moment meant to them.

But sonder isn't just about what we can give to others. It's also about what they can teach us.

Some of the most meaningful conversations I've had in my life have been with people whose experiences, backgrounds, and beliefs were completely different from mine.

People I might never have known had I not been willing to start a conversation.

I've learned that when we step outside our comfort zones, ask questions, and listen without judgment, we discover just how much we have to learn from one another.

Someone who has experienced tremendous loss might teach us about gratitude. Someone who has faced unimaginable challenges might teach us about courage. Someone whose beliefs are different from ours might help us see the world in a way we've never considered.

And sometimes a complete stranger can teach us something about ourselves.

But none of that happens if we aren't willing to connect.

For a good portion of my life, I was part of a religious culture that had very specific ideas about how people should live, what they should believe, and who they should be.

Leaving that world taught me something incredibly valuable.

There is no single way to be a good person.

Goodness isn't reserved for people who share our beliefs. Kindness doesn't belong to one religion. And some of the most loving, compassionate, and generous people I've ever met are people whose lives look nothing like the life I was once taught to aspire to.

Imagine what we miss when we decide who someone is before giving them a chance to tell us.

Imagine the friendships we never make because of a label.

Or the lessons we never learn because we assume we already know someone's story.

That's what sonder has made me think about.

Every person is an entire world of experiences, and every interaction is an opportunity to discover a little piece of that world.

I also love the idea that we are all strangers in someone else's story.

Think about that.

You might be the person someone remembers because you were kind to them when they needed it most.

You might be the stranger who made someone laugh on a day when they hadn't smiled once.

You might say something in a casual conversation that stays with someone for years.

We have no idea how much influence we have on the lives of the people we encounter.

And that influence can go both ways.

Our words can encourage, but they can also wound. Our actions can make someone feel welcome, or they can make them feel like they don't belong.

We get to choose.

I know which kind of person I want to be.

Not because I always get it right. I certainly don't.

I get distracted. I get impatient. I have days when I'm so wrapped up in my own life that I forget to pay attention to what's happening around me.

But I want to do better.

I want to be the person who strikes up a conversation with someone sitting alone. Who remembers someone's name. Who asks questions and genuinely cares about the answers.

I want to remain curious about people, even when their lives look nothing like mine.

Because I believe everyone has something to teach us.

We don't have to agree on everything. We don't have to share the same faith, politics, background, or experiences. We don't even have to become friends.

But we can still be kind. We can still be respectful. And we can still walk away having learned something we didn't know before.

Maybe that's what speaks to me most about sonder.

It's a reminder that the world is so much bigger than our own experiences, and the people around us are what make it extraordinary.

So the next time you're standing in line somewhere, sitting next to a stranger, or crossing paths with someone you don't know, maybe take a moment.

Put your phone down.

Make eye contact.

Smile.

Say hello.

And be willing to listen.

You never know who you're going to meet, what they might teach you, or how a simple moment of kindness might change their day.

Or yours.

I've spent a lot of years redefining what it means to bear my testimony. These days, it's less about declaring what I believe everyone else should know and more about sharing the things life continues to teach me.

And today, I'd like to bear my testimony of SONDER.

Of the extraordinary lives being lived by ordinary people all around us.

Of the stories waiting to be heard, the friendships waiting to happen, and the lessons we might never learn if we don't take the time to connect.

I hope I never become so busy living my own story that I forget to take an interest in someone else's.

Because somewhere out there is a person I haven't met yet who might change the way I see the world.

And maybe, just maybe, I might do the same for them.

Everyone has a story. Everyone has something to teach us. And everyone deserves a little kindness along the way.

And of these things, I bear my testimony.